"I'm afraid they'll write my deadname on my tombstone": What the Parni+ survey reveals
On January 28, 2026, the Parni+ project published a text compiled from readers' responses to a simple question: what fears most strongly haunt LGBTQ+ people in Russia today. Responses came from different cities and regions — from major metropolitan areas to small towns. And although formally this is not a representative survey (participants are those who decided to respond), it's precisely the repetition of motifs that makes it important: the fears sound different, but form a single common background.
"The most recurring fear is persecution by the state."
1) The State as a Source of Threat
The main recurring theme is fear of repression and the unpredictability of the rules. People describe anxiety about fines under "propaganda" articles, risks of criminal cases, arbitrary detentions — and, most importantly, the feeling that "laws could become even harsher at any moment."
One participant writes about constant anxiety over past actions, from "an old like" to phone checks: "I'm afraid they'll come for me over some old saved post, share, repost, or like... I'm afraid of encountering a situation where security forces check my phone."
This fear isn't necessarily tied to a specific episode. Rather, it's a sense of total conditional safety: today you "got away with it," tomorrow — you won't.
2) Violence and Lack of Protection
Almost alongside state pressure stands the fear of physical violence: street attacks, threats, harassment. An important detail that comes through in the Parni+ text: many don't believe they can receive protection and consider that turning to the police could make the situation worse.
Violence is described not only as "something that might happen," but as a factor that shapes everyday behavior: routes, clothing, manner of speaking, distance from people.
"I live in a suburb of a million-plus city, I study in the very center, I have long hair (bob cut), and I love to dress nicely, and I dress modestly, in a soft-boy style, and when I leave home, get on the bus — THAT'S IT! I start experiencing severe anxiety that people will read me as gay based on my clothes, that they'll harass me on the bus or do something even worse."
3) Setup Dates, Denunciations, "Doxxing"
A separate layer is the fear that vulnerability will be used against a person through traps and provocations: setup meetings, blackmail, doxxing of personal data, denunciations. This isn't just "danger somewhere outside," but something that destroys the basic ability to meet people, trust, and build relationships.
"Fear of setup dates with guys... We all know this isn't impossible, and it's terrible. Meeting someone each time is an act of courage."
4) Outing, Doxxing, and Life "in the Closet"
One of the most recognizable motifs is the fear of being outed: to colleagues, classmates, relatives, neighbors. There's a lot in the responses about "constant control" — what to say, what to like, where to subscribe, to whom to forward a message. In this part, the cost of an "invisible" life is especially audible: not making friends, not getting close, not showing feelings in public, because any mistake can become irreversible.
"I'm afraid to show any feelings toward my partner in public, even something insignificant. I don't get close to people and don't make friends, since I can't let them into my personal life and be myself."
5) Work, Career, "Security Services"
Anxiety sounds even where people usually build stability: work and professional reputation. People fear dismissal, investigations, loss of clients, and being deemed "toxic" to an employer. For some, this means closed prospects in professions where reputation and "conformity" matter — for example, in education.
"I myself work in the online education sector, SAT prep, and every day I'm afraid that something might accidentally leak out — it would be the end, complete end."
6) Loneliness and Family Pressure
Many responses are about the fear of being alone: not finding a partner, not having a "normal life together," especially in more conservative regions. Alongside this is fear of family pressure and "correction," attempts to "cure," threats of rupture. And this isn't only romantic loneliness, it's compounded by the feeling that there are no people around whom one can be oneself.
"I'm afraid to live life. There isn't a single LGBTQ+ person around me. I feel like some kind of outcast. Because it's difficult for me, for example, to share with friends thoughts about liking someone... That I want a husband in the future, not a wife."
7) The Extreme Point: Vulnerability and Thoughts of Death
The text states directly that for some, fears reach an extreme point — suicidal thoughts. The most piercing fragment is about dignity that can be taken away even after death:
"More than anything in the world, I'm afraid that none of this will happen and they'll bury me here, and on my tombstone they'll write my deadname."
Why This Matters
The Parni+ material shows that fear is a rational reaction to an environment where too much can be turned against a person. In the original Parni+ material, they remind readers: if you need support — you can write to their Telegram bot, where they offer free psychological help to LGBTQ+ individuals.
"The most recurring fear is persecution by the state."
1) The State as a Source of Threat
The main recurring theme is fear of repression and the unpredictability of the rules. People describe anxiety about fines under "propaganda" articles, risks of criminal cases, arbitrary detentions — and, most importantly, the feeling that "laws could become even harsher at any moment."
One participant writes about constant anxiety over past actions, from "an old like" to phone checks: "I'm afraid they'll come for me over some old saved post, share, repost, or like... I'm afraid of encountering a situation where security forces check my phone."
This fear isn't necessarily tied to a specific episode. Rather, it's a sense of total conditional safety: today you "got away with it," tomorrow — you won't.
2) Violence and Lack of Protection
Almost alongside state pressure stands the fear of physical violence: street attacks, threats, harassment. An important detail that comes through in the Parni+ text: many don't believe they can receive protection and consider that turning to the police could make the situation worse.
Violence is described not only as "something that might happen," but as a factor that shapes everyday behavior: routes, clothing, manner of speaking, distance from people.
"I live in a suburb of a million-plus city, I study in the very center, I have long hair (bob cut), and I love to dress nicely, and I dress modestly, in a soft-boy style, and when I leave home, get on the bus — THAT'S IT! I start experiencing severe anxiety that people will read me as gay based on my clothes, that they'll harass me on the bus or do something even worse."
3) Setup Dates, Denunciations, "Doxxing"
A separate layer is the fear that vulnerability will be used against a person through traps and provocations: setup meetings, blackmail, doxxing of personal data, denunciations. This isn't just "danger somewhere outside," but something that destroys the basic ability to meet people, trust, and build relationships.
"Fear of setup dates with guys... We all know this isn't impossible, and it's terrible. Meeting someone each time is an act of courage."
4) Outing, Doxxing, and Life "in the Closet"
One of the most recognizable motifs is the fear of being outed: to colleagues, classmates, relatives, neighbors. There's a lot in the responses about "constant control" — what to say, what to like, where to subscribe, to whom to forward a message. In this part, the cost of an "invisible" life is especially audible: not making friends, not getting close, not showing feelings in public, because any mistake can become irreversible.
"I'm afraid to show any feelings toward my partner in public, even something insignificant. I don't get close to people and don't make friends, since I can't let them into my personal life and be myself."
5) Work, Career, "Security Services"
Anxiety sounds even where people usually build stability: work and professional reputation. People fear dismissal, investigations, loss of clients, and being deemed "toxic" to an employer. For some, this means closed prospects in professions where reputation and "conformity" matter — for example, in education.
"I myself work in the online education sector, SAT prep, and every day I'm afraid that something might accidentally leak out — it would be the end, complete end."
6) Loneliness and Family Pressure
Many responses are about the fear of being alone: not finding a partner, not having a "normal life together," especially in more conservative regions. Alongside this is fear of family pressure and "correction," attempts to "cure," threats of rupture. And this isn't only romantic loneliness, it's compounded by the feeling that there are no people around whom one can be oneself.
"I'm afraid to live life. There isn't a single LGBTQ+ person around me. I feel like some kind of outcast. Because it's difficult for me, for example, to share with friends thoughts about liking someone... That I want a husband in the future, not a wife."
7) The Extreme Point: Vulnerability and Thoughts of Death
The text states directly that for some, fears reach an extreme point — suicidal thoughts. The most piercing fragment is about dignity that can be taken away even after death:
"More than anything in the world, I'm afraid that none of this will happen and they'll bury me here, and on my tombstone they'll write my deadname."
Why This Matters
The Parni+ material shows that fear is a rational reaction to an environment where too much can be turned against a person. In the original Parni+ material, they remind readers: if you need support — you can write to their Telegram bot, where they offer free psychological help to LGBTQ+ individuals.